Peel Back the Layers of Mindfulness
As an educator, I have gotten very creative in my approaches to dealing with kids over the years. Whether it’s dealing with a temper tantrum from a child or a temper tantrum from a parent, I’ve used mindfulness inside and outside of the classroom. And you know what? Almost always…it works!
The first time I started using mindfulness and breathing techniques in the classroom was when I was student teaching. I used mindfulness as my thesis for my Master’s program, and implemented various strategies throughout the year. It couldn’t have been a better time to try this, and luckily, I am a certified yoga teacher, as well. There was one specific kiddo that came to mind when I created the idea for this post. We’ll call him Jason for the sake of privacy. Jason had a very rough home life, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder – which means he had one heck of a temper. It wasn’t unusual that Jason would flip over desks, punch walls, push over bookshelves, and snap pencils.
I knew that I needed to do my best to help this child any way I could. One day, he had a terrible outburst and was hysterically crying and yelling. I looked to my co-teacher, and said, “I’ve got this.” I pulled him over to the side of the classroom as the rest of the class went out to recess. I started asking him question.
“What are you feeling right now?” I asked.
“I’m feel so angry!!” he then shouted back.
I asked what other feelings he was experiencing besides anger, and didn’t allow him to say the same word twice. You see it was like the layers of an onion I kept peeling back trying to get to the root emotion.
“I just feel angry!” Jason would say again.
“No, you already said that, what else?” I prompted.
“I feel anxious, I guess!” Jason added.
“OK, we’ll talk about that in a sec, keep going.” I said, knowing I was getting closer.
“I feel…scared.” he said with almost a sense of relief.
Bingo! Fear. It’s one heck of an emotion. We talked for a while, and he even gave me a hug at the end. My co-teacher and myself were shocked, because he had never showed affection for anyone at school! You see, by acknowledging a range of emotions that a child is feeling, but keeping the ball rolling to peel back to the root emotion is so powerful. I could see Jason’s fists loosen, his shoulders relax, and his breathing slow down. He was able to then sit down and chat. His parents were getting a divorce, and he was scared on what his home life was going to look like. He was scared that it was his fault. He was scared that he would have no one in his corner. We went through a few breathing exercises, specifically one that I use for kiddos that have trouble calming down. I had him breathe in for four seconds, hold it for two seconds, and breathe out for four seconds and hold for two more seconds before continuing onto the inhale. We don’t have a lot of control over really anything in our lives, but we do have control over the pace of our breath.
Just this past year, I had another student who had severe ADHD and anxiety, and went through the same protocol to get to the root of what he was feeling, and his realization was that he felt like an outcast and like a failure because of his inability to focus. We came up with a game plan, and had him start journaling his feelings in a secret notebook that only his parents and I could see if we wanted. His demeanor changed. He took charge of his learning in a way that was inspiring to me and the other kids. He became a new student, and even went off anxiety medication. The human body and mind are fascinating, but so complex. I encourage you to try to peel back the layers with your child or colleague during the next emotionally-charged interaction, and see what happens. It will give you a solid foundation to build upon once you’ve broken everything down. Just breathe. You’ve got this!